At the Mercy of the Terrible Two’s

My God is this getting out of hand. I sure do love him, but this momma is going to have a heart attack. He is so crazy. And demanding. And the attitude! Shew!

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The N word. No… It’s his favorite word. Me: “Let’s get dressed!” Liam: “NO!” Me: “Hey Liam, let’s take a bath.” Liam: “No.” And so on and so forth. I mean, who in the hell does he think he is? Who does he think he’s talking to? I will have to admit though, it’s funny to watch Nick be told “No.” It’s delightful.

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Hush. He tells us to HUSH. Or he puts his index finger in front of his mouth and says, “shhhhhh.” Ummm… Excuse me? You’re NEVER quiet when I need you to be. Like for instance: I had to take him to MOPS with me the other night because my husband couldn’t get him after work, and Liam refuses to go right back to day care after he just left. Can’t blame him. Anyways, he was not quiet. Not quiet. We left early.
Melt Downs. O.M.Geeeeeee. He freaks out on me for asking a simple questions. Like, “Liam, do you want to watch Mickey Mouse?” And all hell breaks loose. “Liam, would you like something to drink?” And you think you asked him to commit murder.
“Boys ‘Round Here.” Or what he refers to as “redneck.” It’s a song sung by Blake Shelton. And it used to be my favorite song. USED TO BE. Until Liam heard it, and decided it was going to be his theme song, and we have to listen to it over and over and over and over again. I want to slit my wrists when I hear that song. But I guess it beats the alternative. And that alternative is a melt down in the car. And it’s cute that he knows some of the words.
Indecisiveness. Now, I am super indecisive on most things. So, I get it. What I don’t get, however, is the act of refusing something that’s offered to you, and when the person who is offering said service and/or product turns to walk away, you start throwing a fit because you did, in fact, want it all along. What in the hell? He better be glad he’s cute.
Cussing. Now, I will admit that I think its hilarious when Liam (or any other toddler on the face of the earth) cusses. My husband, on the other hand, does not appreciate the entertainment value in it. Naturally, Liam gets his vocabulary skills from me, so when he cusses, I get in trouble. Sorry. I can’t turn the foul words off. They’re a part of me. We’ll get through this. In the mean time, let’s be proud that he knows how to use the word “shit” appropriately. Ok, Nicholas?

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Bath Time is a B****. Where in the hell does he get all this energy and ambition from this time of night? His favorite thing right now is to stand up in the bath tub and jump, landing on his butt. I get nervous. When this starts getting out of hand, he gets out. Not by his choice, but by mine. Then getting him dressed is like trying to catch a greased pig. My husband and I take turns every night with bath/bed time. It’s so exhausting.
Boo-Boos. I think it’s sweet when Liam wants us to kiss his “boo-boos.” But it’s not too cute when he hurts his butt and he won’t let-up until I kiss it. I’m not an ass-kisser, so I have a REAL problem with this.

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Liam is the love of my life. But my God, sometimes I really wonder if I am going to survive this. What’s some of the things your toddler does\did?

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One thought on “At the Mercy of the Terrible Two’s

  1. OMG! We could be sharing the same toddler!
    The meltdowns, the refusals, the stubbornness, the randomness, the ability to pick up on inappropriate stuff, the death wish! (Noodles’ favourite thing is to launch himself around his sister’s bed, which doesn’t always end well and I watch convinced he’s going to break his neck…but the alternative is to deal with a meltdown.)
    It’s just a good job they’re so god-darn cute with it.

    Like

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