Oh Motherhood…..

Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m cut out for the role of “mommy.” Anyone else feel this way from time to time? I mean, there are perks: you get to see your beautiful child grow up, reach milestones, watch them imitate what you do, snuggling, play time, and the list goes on and on. I love my baby boy to death, but sometimes I just don’t feel like I am built to withstand everything this small person throws my way, literally and Figuratively.


Eating Chocolate

I often second guess myself when Liam is fussing for no apparent reason other than he is just contrary, and I get mad at him when he is always into things that don’t belong to him. I am constantly taking deep breaths and reminding myself that he is just a child… he’s just exploring… he is Just. A. Child. That’s when I freak out on myself thinking I am not a good mom. (I would like to point out that I am not trying to get sympathy or affirmation that I am a good mom here). I mean the kid is still alive, but that’s just the first step of many.

Tina Fey: “Sleep when your baby sleeps. Everyone knows this classic tip. But why stop there?
1. Scream when your baby screams.
2. Take Benedryl when your baby takes Benedryl.
3. Walk around pantless when your baby walks around pantless.”
I could definitely adopt those ideas, except for the pantless thing. He can have that.

Now, my child is hilarious. He is starting to learn to talk and let me tell you… Momma needs to watch her potty mouth. The other day, I was walking through the living room, and guess what?! I stepped on a toy! I did what any other person would do: I yelled “FUCK!” real loud. (It both startled me and hurt). Liam starts stomping around and yelling, “DUCK, DUCK, DUCK!” My face turned red and my husband (who rarely uses sentence enhancers), was pissed. I immediately hid my face because I am immature and find cussing toddlers to be the single most funniest thing in the world.


When I’m done, it’s on!

Another time I told him I was going to whip his ass (I really wasn’t, but it helps me to calm down threatening it). His eyes got as big as saucers, he tilted his head, and from behind his pacifier said, “Ash?” Again, I turned and left the room so I could laugh.

The perks of motherhood and knowing that my kid thinks I’m the best mom in the world (he obviously doesn’t know any better) makes the hard times some what easier to swallow. This child is so contrary most of the time, its unreal! He reminds me of a teenage girl (or at best, my father, who also acted like a teenage girl most of the time).

Like the time I took the toilet brush from him, he got all pissed and screamed for, I swear, an hour straight. Or like the other day when I took his play-doh because he was eating it and wouldn’t stop (he’s got Pica, I swear). That was another 30 minute + meltdown.

He is so obsessed with the vacuum (even though he has his own). He doesn’t like it turned on, however. Hell no! He just likes to push it around, play with the cord, and lose my damn attachments. He throws the damnedest fits when I put it up or use it. Ridiculous. I will lay money down that at his grandma’s house, he has her vacuum out right now.

Liam associates putting on his jacket and hat with leaving or going outside. On Sunday, as soon as he woke up he was in my husband’s face with his hat on and his “jac-jac” for daddy to put on him. And he screamed, to the very top of his lungs, until my husband did just that. Then after that meltdown, another one started, because we would not let him outside. About 2 hours worth of fit throwing. It was too cold that morning. But he didn’t care.

He’s so damn smart. He knows all the animal sounds, he knows enough baby sign language to get what he needs/wants, and he remembers EVERYTHING! Like where things are kept, he remembers that his father, grandparents, and I all have sun roofs in our car, and makes sure to remind us to open them so he can look out. He also knows that I have a Blake Shelton CD in my car, and as soon as he is situated in his seat, he gives me the “more” sign… meaning we are going to be listening to “Boys ‘Round Here” repeatedly, until we get to our destination. I hate this song now, but It’s better than hearing him scream, right?

This child, as much as I bitch, is the light of my life. I wouldn’t trade him for all the riches in the world. And I know that all these little things that wear me out now will be the things that make me laugh for years to come. These are going to be the best memories made with the little guy. But he’s probably going to be an only child, I can’t have another and hope it is calmer than him. That’s a chance I’m not willing to take.And I’m not real sure I could love another as much as I love him.


One of a few moments of cuddling. He was not happy.



2 thoughts on “Oh Motherhood…..

  1. OMG. I am right there with you. Atticus is three and he has picked up a stray potty word or two. When his baby sister, Persy Jane, was just a few months old I was changing her diaper and he kept poking her face. She screamed. I told him to leave her alone that he was upsetting her and he very clearly said, “fuck persy” and walked off. I was mortified and found it hilarious. Hang in there!


  2. That is hilarious!!! I just literally laughed out loud at work! Thanks, I know that he is going to have a dirty mouth, because I do… I just can’t help it. And I love your kids’ names!!!


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